Sigh, things have taken bad turn huh? Well, it's not like as if I dont deserve it. Okay, so, lets start with the mind pouring.

I wonder what happen between us, I mean, not current situation, but what makes me feel like talking to others than you? Is it really because that your too long absence? Or is it because that I need to talk to someone new? Or is it because that I just want to feel that long lost feeling again? What actually other guy has that I don't? What makes them able to hold their relationship so long and yet I cant? I think, if thing really did turn out worst and worst after this, I will want to try to think and ponder on how to improve this up.

It's kinda sad isnt it? That I need to learn it the hard way, and hurting ppl that I care most? No, not only you, I've been hurting ppl that cared about me all along too. My parents, my friends, meh, even my best friend was not spared from fist exchange. It's just so frustrating.

I've read ur comment on your fb, yes, i did. It kinda feel distant this time huh? Maybe you're right, I kinda felt so too. Maybe we will really be separated for real already this time. It's just so....wasted, I mean, all along, i really thought this is one and final relationship that i will want to get in already. Like, this will just last till the end already. Gosh, I'm just so frustrated on myself.

One thing about your mind is, that you always think that whatever I'm going to do is whatever I've done in the past, but no, our case is really not like how it is between me and jac. You know, it might be quite unbelivable at this point of time, but I do care a lot for you, you know. I really tried my best to make this work this time round. Maybe like what the old saying goes, my mind are strong, but my flesh are weak. I fell for the temptation again.

One thing that I wanted to tell you, but I think you wont even think that it's the truth is that: Do you know that even when I'm talking to the other girl, I actually felt disgusted? It is the truth, i actually feel a little bit unsettled when I'm talking to them, I know, like i say, it just doesnt sounds....believable, heck, you might think that I'm even lying. But, actually, when I was in Malaysia, I actually really think that, I'm going to stop talking to them once and for all, moreover, after this time i come back, I can just go to m'sia more and more often. Regret always comes too late huh?

It's pretty weird, honestly, this just feels like how it felt back then. Back then, I have a thought of breaking up with her, and we actually broke up for real. And now, I was just thinking about maybe we should take some time out, like, you know, so that we can experience life out there, and then, we get back together again. I mean, it just doesnt sounds very asian-ic, but well, that's what i read from what they do in western part. My point is, that's just what i thought, and yet, this is where we are now. Some part of me actually thinking to cheer you on, if you really want to try to flirt with guys and all, but some part of me still want to call you mine. It really is......pretty contradicting. This is why, I dont know what to or how to feel currently. At times, I just want to give up convincing you, and yet at times, I just want to at least try a little bit more.

You said, you regret knowing me. What's in my mind is: why will you tell me if you do, what is ur purpose?

You said "can you see what I said?" I didnt reply because, I know, that's not you talking. That is why i said, "I want to talk to you"

I really have no more idea on how to put this whole chunk of thoughts that's swirling in my mind into words right now, I just wish that we can meet up face to face to talk about it instead of msning or calling. I start it face to face, dont you think the least i deserve is a face to face ending?